Sunday, March 30, 2008
i hate it when people always think they know sth but acty they don't no anything. act like they know till they realise oh shit. wrong. wtf la. thanks for that UNNECESSARY extra waiting time. stop whining when im angry cos i already warned that i am. and if you were just a tide bit smarter and wanted the arguments to stop you wldnt have pissed me off even more. I HATE IT MORE WHEN PPL COMPLAIN ABT ME EATING EXPENSIVE FOOD. I SO DAMNED LOVE EATING AT GOOD PLACES W GOOD FOOD EVEN THO ITS EXPENSIVE. SO THERE. I LIKE PANCAKES AND WAFFLES AND SAUSAGES FOR BREAKFAST WITH JUICE. I LIKE IT. SO THERE. SHIT.
- everything's just temporary;
6:11 PM
i miss the times when i had someone who just wanted me to be happy on top of everything else. i miss the times when i didn't have to fight for my own happiness. i am so so so so darned miserable. i am so filled with regrets. HELLO PPL. I AM DOING INTERVIEWS FOR PERFECT BOYFRIENDS. NOT PERFECT PEOPLE. I ALREADY FOUND OUT THAT PERFECT PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TO NOT BE PERFECT. PEOPLE NEED TO BE FLAWED. PERFECT PEOPLE ARE JUST SO WRONG. BOYFRIENDS NEED TO BE PERFECT. FLAWED BOYFRIENDS ARE JUST SO WORSE THAN WRONG.
- everything's just temporary;
12:48 PM
Friday, March 28, 2008
My Favourite People : 
Max. The MOST Handsome retriever in the world..jpg)
Andrea. The HOTTEST chic in a club.
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Steph. The MOST LOVABLE girl in the world.
- everything's just temporary;
1:51 PM
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
overwhelmed with emotions. my only wish now is something he knows even without me telling him. only him. because he knows me better than anyone else in the whole wide world.
- everything's just temporary;
12:13 AM
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
mentally exhausted, emotionally drained, physically non-existent
- everything's just temporary;
8:46 PM
Monday, March 24, 2008
have you ever wondered when life has finally gotten the better of you? i have. i feel like i am completely not in control of myself. i feel like i am submitting myself to whatever comes and not making any effort to change anything despite knowing the consequences. and right now, i feel like one of those kinds of people i despise. not in any favour to complain but i do feel like. who do i turn to if i just feel like ranting all out? i know my best friend's always going to be around. no matter what. and i sometimes do feel like turning to him. and sometimes i do. but then there are other times when i feel like he isn't the one i want to turn to. sometimes i feel like turning to you. but do you know that it is so hard to? do you find that sad? because i do. i hear your voice but can you read my eyes? because i don't know how in any verbal way, can i let you know how i feel. you have never ever before whispered sweet nothings. because you have never heard them before, have you? i keep thinking of you as my best friend. i keep thinking that you are going to let me shout when i am irritated and think that you will not be angry. i keep thinking that it is okay to hurl vulgarities at you when i am angry and you will not matter at all. i keep thinking of you as who you aren't. and it has come to a point where it is so difficult for me to change these thoughts. you have changed my life in a way you could have never imagined. and everything about that from then on made you look so perfect to me. but because i think you are so perfect, i feel unable to rise to the status which you want me to. its incomparable. incomparable to you. and to HER. and it is so hard for me to live up to the status. sometimes when the spot gets so tight, i just want to run from you. do you know? it scares me how people can be so perfect. it scares me how when i see perfect people, i feel nothing of myself. it makes me feel worthless. do you know? because if you say you do know, then you must be very cold-hearted. for even though you know, you do not show any empathy at all. nothing. all i feel is emptiness. and to tell you all these, to hear what you have to say; that's when i feel so useless in every way. they say you should support each other no matter what through thick and thin right? but we don't support each other. at all. you can't say you do when i don't feel anything. it's the way you make me feel a whole new degree of worst when i am already feeling the worst. p.s. why then, do i still see you as perfect?
- everything's just temporary;
9:24 PM
Friday, March 21, 2008
i am thinking. pondering. wondering. TO GO OR NOT TO GO? TO TRY OR NOT TO TRY? so what is stopping me? e fact that i have to go alone and that i may not make it and that i may not have the cut for it.what is not stopping me? it's a new challenge and i have a passion for it and i miss the stage. AHHHHHHHH! SO TO GO OR NOT TO GO? TO TRY OR NOT TO TRY? THAT IARE THE QUESTIONS.okays. i shall update.
- everything's just temporary;
11:05 PM
Thursday, March 20, 2008
i'm not a girls girl. i don't have many girl friends. you know. i'm like belle/hannah in secret diary of a call girl. no, not the call girl part but in the fact that we both lack good girl friends. i don't know. it's just weird. girls, in general. and i know that i'm a girl; but i wonder if i ever behave like how i view girls to be. or maybe i haven't found that group of girls yet. to me, it's either the group's too nerdy, too cheena, too cool, too act cool, too kawaii, too bimbo, too everything except for the ones i'm looking for. AHHHHS. and i'm a girl who prefers hanging out with guys. my best friend's a guy. gimme a break. he knows me better than anyone else in the world. currently. and they do listen. (girls are a tide bit more self absorbed -- i know i am) if they are not too interested in the gaming or the electronic gadgets. and they care. at least those guy friends of mine. and they're funny! they make me laugh. and just because i hang out alot with them, doesn't give anyone the right to say i flirt around. right? i mean c'mon. i'm very happy with MY ONE AND ONLY BOOGIE BOOGIE BABY! ((((((: and i really don't like the fact other girls associate going out with alot of different guys as flirting or whatsoever. i mean thats completely narrow and they're completely jealous of me. well hahs? then they start spreading rumours about me. and there's actually one specific person who went around telling other guys that about me! omg. thats how loser. so this is directed specifically to her: well too bad, and attribute that to you aren't being as pretty as me, aren't as sociable as me, aren't as smart as me, aren't as nice as me, aren't as colloquail as me and so on. so listen hard and listen well. don't go spreading rumours about me. because it doesn't improve your image or reputation at all. if you can do the rumouring about one person, you can do the rumouring about any person. no one's gonna want to be your friend right? i'll be praying for you. and it is so not true that i don't have any girl friends AT ALL. there's steph. and she's my sister. and she's my friend. and she's my someone. and she's my person. my only girl person. so she's booked pple. and so am i. and she's the best. anyways, today is holy thursday. tomorrow is good friday. then vigil saturday and easter sunday. pray well all of you out there! (((: p.s. freaks are excluded from this okays. plus, we do have a few guys in our clique. p.p.s. do you know that chupa chups carry their own line of perfume. and it totally smells good. (((:
- everything's just temporary;
11:01 AM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
FINE. OKAY. FINE. OKAY.
I WANT TO GO SWIMMING. FINE. OKAY. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.
I HATE PEOPLE WHO SIGH. I HATE I HATE I HATE.
CHEERS TO THE STUPID DARNED WORLD, LETS HAVE NEW WORLD WITH DRINKS, CIGS AND SEX. THOSE ARE DEFINITELY THE 3 SANE THINGS IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.
- everything's just temporary;
5:53 PM
a really close friend of mine once recently told me"everytime i go to your house, i always feel a very sad aura around."i second, third, fourth, fifth and so on that statement.
- everything's just temporary;
2:51 PM
Friday, March 14, 2008
i think THE ONE is one that is very different from any of the guys that i have previously dated, so much so i find it very hard to be comfortable with him. but i believe that the love he has for me will be enough for me to gradually be opening up to him. he may be hot, cute, smells good, can cook, fit, loving, caring, understanding etc. but he may also be so many things else that causes misunderstandings or conflicts between me and him. he can be the one of whom i can snuggle with doing nothing at all for the entire day, talking nonsense, laughing at everything and nothing at all. but he can also be the one of whom i can lie next to and feel the most intense pain in the world because i know he's there but i don't feel him around. and that only happens when i no longer feel love. i think he is the one that i feel is emotionally unattached to me, but also the one i know is emotionally wholeheartedly dedicated to me.i think maybe, just maybe, i don't understand him sometimes. but those times doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. he just loves me in his own way, with the best of his ability at that time. and sometimes there are so many unsaid words but perhaps it is okay to leave it as such. maybe even better to leave it as such. ps. you know when you are in love when you dream about the person when you sleep and think about the person when you are awake all the time. and reality is so much better than the dreams just because you know it's real. that's when you search for his hand in the middle of the night and he holds on to it tightly.
- everything's just temporary;
12:44 AM
Thursday, March 13, 2008
my heart is breaking. i am yearning for someone to love me. the pain is sucking me dry. have you ever felt the pain before. it's far worse than any pain in the world. keep asking me to tell them why i'm crying or why the tears or why i'm feeling so down. i don't know how to answer. i have no answer. but my heart is breaking. with every second and every tear, it breaks some more, little by little. and the tears won't stop. and no one is around. have you ever felt so empty? have you ever had someone sleep around you but you can't even feel the person's presence? the pain that is felt you will never imagine how bad that can be. the pain is killing me. my heart is breaking. you don't even have to say anything to make me feel so painful. killing me softly
- everything's just temporary;
3:14 AM
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
i can't help but think about her. do you know i'm thinking about you? and i barely saw you for like a minute. but you're hooked on my mind. you're gorgeous. do you know? you make me confused without even saying a word to me. this is how you affect me. and i'm letting you affect me. ps. i wonder sometimes if he still likes her. insecurity gets to me. finally right.
- everything's just temporary;
1:20 AM
Sunday, March 09, 2008
my cousin once told me she wouldn't get a blog cause she didn't know who to blog to or who was reading it, had to be someone she trusted. and here i am typing it all out. to who? sometimes that crosses my mind. am even writing it out for anyone? what is next for me? i saw the most bastardly person in the world today trying to cheat another girl's heart. but then i'm pausing here again. what if he's a changed person? and i'm not giving him or myself another chance to repent? but i still believe chances come and go. and there's a limit to it. if you just happen to use your chances all up. then you gotta try making it up double.
- everything's just temporary;
11:57 PM
i've never seen anyone as gorgeous as her. she's the real pretty princess. she is perfect. ps. i have never felt so inferior.for abyy:Talk to me softly There's something in your eyes Don't hang your head in sorrow And please don't cry I know how you feel inside I've I've been there before Somethin's changin' inside you And don't you know Don't you cry tonight I still love you baby Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight There's a heaven above you baby And don't you cry tonight Give me a whisper And give me a sign Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye Don't you take it so hard now And please don't take it so bad I'll still be thinkin' of you And the times we had...baby And please remember that I never lied And please remember how I felt inside now honey You gotta make it your own way But you'll be allright now sugar You'll feel better tomorrow Come the morning light now baby
- everything's just temporary;
11:24 AM
Thursday, March 06, 2008
i wonder sometimes if it's okay for him to be seen outside with me. no, make that alot of times. everyone has their doubts one way or another. no one can be all that good and go without flaws. yes, i do believe that it's a two way street all of us share; with a jekyll & hyde in each one of us. so will you still love me when im jekyll? how about when im hyde? and what if im both and none at the same time? do you even know what i'm talking about? p.s. every week without fail. all i can do is watch. see. you're beautiful.
- everything's just temporary;
11:30 PM
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
i am so damned tired. DARLING. SATURDAY NIGHT BRING ME OUT FOR A DRINK. MAKE THAT 2. AND DON'T STOP ME. MUCH LOVE.
- everything's just temporary;
11:46 PM
Monday, March 03, 2008
i think it's scary to know a person too well. i think we should let by gones be by gones. i think we should know a person sufficiently. i think i know too much about a person. i think that scares me. i think i won't know what to do. i think i will have to come up with a decision eventually. i think when love is concerned, it is unimaginable when your loved one thinks about something of which you have no idea. i think i don't really want to love. i think love is sucking me out. i think i am stumped at love. i think the more i look, the less i know what to do. i think love is blind. i think i should not look anymore, then maybe i will know what to do. i think i am starting to breathe. i think people think i am crazy now. i think i need to go for jiaying's tour to the strawberry farm in melbourne to eat strawberries. i think my lips would be red enough to kiss. i think i would like to kiss a very nice looking person who will turn out to be super nice and who will fall in love with me. i think then i will want to love. ps. i am craving for fries now. benjamin has tempted me into wanting alcohol. and we have both agreed on needing a smoke. meet me soon. dammit and don't bring anymore contraband stuffs in or i'll never meet you before you leave. .oil and water.
- everything's just temporary;
10:35 PM
Saturday, March 01, 2008
29th febuary 2008. i agreed on to having a change in my life. this change either affects me 1 day in every 4 years. or leaves me be in a sort of 'contract' of which i have to sustain for 4 years. but why am i haunted by it? i am amazed at what happened just now. a small conflict that led me to be on the verge of tears over dinner. i am suddenly swerved back to the past. it's like a shelter to run to when you really are lost and you don't know your directions and it gets cold around you. i don't understand what's going on between me and my feelings. yes. stop and stare. i think i'm moving, but i go no where. i'm stuck; so stuck and feeling trapped. i feel like i have so much inside of me i have to let out. i need a space to let out my feelings. and now i feel like i can't even blog it out. because my feelings i feel are so close to my heart. i'm so afraid of how i'd feel once i let everything all out. and probably after reading this, everyone's going to be telling me talk to them, and questioning me. but i don't want to be questioned. i don't want people to tell me that they are around and that i can talk to them. because they're are not around. or even if they are i can't bring myself to say anything. that's really one of the last few things i want to hear. i don't want people to ask me why, whats wrong blablabla. oh God. i'm feeling really so damned oppressed. it's like when i try to breathe i can't get in enough of whatever i need. God. and i am so damned sad. i don't know. no, i know why. that's why i am so damned sad. but i don't know how to say it out. to anyone or even write it out here. God, my heart aches. and the tears don't help. it's the feeling when my tears come out for no damned reason. it's like being in a swimming pool. and going under water for as long as possible. after awhile i just feel i don't have to come up to breathe. i just want to stay there. cause after coming out for air, the air that's being sucked in is suddenly so much to bear. its the feeling when you can have tears coming out for no reason. i want it to be the way it is like how i'm used to. i want to cry and then know that it is okay to cry. not like it's weird and have people question me bout my tears and asking if i'm okay or not and go on and on expressing concern of which i have to explain my actions. what if i don't know the reason to it myself? and i have to force myself to come up with one. what if i don't want to mention it cause it's my secret. i have secrets too. i just want them for myself. i don't like explaining myself to people. to anyone for that matter. i want to feel that it is normal. that if i cry, it is okay. just be around. like how they all were and i just didn't know that that was all i needed then. now i know. just be around. and just not say a word. someone once said " if you want to be alone, i'll be there and be really quiet so you won't even notice me ". i know i'm normal. and right now i feel like i am not breathing. i am so clear of why i am so sad. but i don't want to say anything. and i won't. so please don't ask anything. this is a blog i just feel like expressing my feelings now. not the reason for my feelings. and i don't want to be answerable to any of the reasons. just let me be. let me be hurt because i feel like being hurt. let me be sad because i need to know i feel something. let me just cry because i want to be normal. i think i don't know how to say anything out. my feelings are traces of my thoughts which are waiting be cleared from the mess but i can't do it. i can't clear it. i don't want to clear it. i'm sucking in my comfort zone of feeling this mess and this pain. it makes me feel okay. but God. that's the irony of it. i can't write anymore. i think. i think i'm starting to spill everything already. i think i can't go on typing. i don't want anyone to know. but oh God. teach me to be happy. how come happiness seems to have a totally different meaning altogether now, to the extent i don't think i actually recognise it anymore. don't pull me out from the whirlpool i've created for myself. knowingly. and unknowingly. yet. i'm not ready to move out of the mess. i need more time. oh God. i need a hell lot more time. or maybe not. maybe i just don't want to cross the comfort zone i'm in. i feel the weight with each step i try to take out. i feel the weight of the difference in and out of the whirl. i need to stop. today i realised that i needed to stop. no one will agree with me; but everything's too fast. i can feel everything spinning and i'm falling. and this time there's no safety net at the bottom. i can't move anymore. i really need to stop. please help me stop.
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see
- everything's just temporary;
11:46 PM
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Andrea. The HOTTEST chic in a club. .jpg)
Steph. The MOST LOVABLE girl in the world. .jpg)
Cherry. The BRIGHTEST snauchzer in the world..jpg)
DAOSHAN. The BESTEST BESTFRIEND in the world.
Yean Lih. The UGLIEST frog who turned into the MOST CHARMING prince.